Lessons and Realizations
by delia Lawson
Summary: When Booth and Brennan decide to embark on a form of parenthood after Booth recovers from his surgery, they learn that sometimes things don't always turn out the way you plan
1. Chapter 1

Stale air circulated around the beige colored waiting room. Women in all stages of pregnancy quieted their children and rubbed their protruding stomachs while fathers-to-be sat next to their wives doting on their every whimper or flipping through the out dated magazines. Dr Temperance Brennan sat in the row furthest from the receptionist window with her lap top open and her fingers clicking wildly as she returned e mails and typed up a report. Her partner, Special Agent Seeley Booth, sat next to her thumbing through a case file silently.

"Bones, there seems to be similarities to the injuries suffered by this victim and the ones that we saw on the Echols case." Booth said as he held up a crime scene photo to get a closer look. They had solved the Echols disappearance several weeks ago after body showed up by the side of a highway.

"I already have Mr. Nigel Murray looking into it. I was not going to bring that up until I was certain. You have been much more attentive to detail lately. I must admit that I am impressed." She responded never looking up from her computer. Booth sat the photo down and turned his attention to stare at her.

"Thank you for the back handed complement, Bones."

"What? I was just saying that you have seemed to be more apt to locating patterns lately. It's a good thing, Booth."

"Bones-

"Dr. Brennan?" A perky blonde called from the mahogany doorway to their left, cutting off Booth.

Brennan looked up from her computer to the doorway and groaned. The same nurse always led her to her exam room and the entire way she would actually coo at her. It was irritating and uncalled for. Whether her level of annoyance was hormone induced or not was irrelevant. She put away her lap top and pushed herself up from the blue and black framed chair she had been occupying while Booth closed the file in his hand and made a beeline for Miss Perky. With a sigh and a head shake she followed suit.

"Hello Mommy! How are we feeling today? Is our baby happy?" Miss Perky asked with virtually no pauses in her exorbitantly excited voice.

"I suppose, I have no current signs of discomfort." Brennan said with her best attempt at faux politeness. It was a tactic that Booth had been trying to work on with her and a skill she hoped she was acquiring.

"OOOO! Isn't this so much fun?" Miss Perky squealed with excitement as she reached out to touch Brennan's stomach. However, with lightning quick reflexes she ducked out of reach, clutching her slightly bulging belly.

"Oh! I'm sorry." Miss Perky said looking stricken by the reaction. She took Bren's weight and led her to the exam room without another word. In fact it wasn't until she gave Booth a once over before closing the exam room door that she even looked at the couple again.

"Bones, what was that?" Booth asked the moment the door latched.

"She had no medical need to touch me." Bren responded as she hoisted her body onto the exam table.

"She just wanted to feel the baby. This is an Obstetrics office, Bones."

"Just because I am pregnant does not give people the right to touch me, Booth." She said exasperated while she looked around the light blue colored room. Booth was sitting in a chair picking at the sonogram machine in the room not paying any more attention.

It seemed so peaceful here, a place where a woman and her baby could bond without the pressures of the world. It was the only place that Brennan allowed herself to really fell the emotions of her pregnancy and awe at the miracle of becoming a mother. Looking over at Booth, who was still oblivious, she allowed herself to indulge in amazement at the situation.

There was a time not that long ago when she was not really sure that she would get to experience this. Booth had his reservations about being her sperm donor, and try as she may she knew that he was the only person that she would want to help create this life within her. He was not only aesthetically pleasing, but he had a gentleness that she hoped he would pass on to their child. She wanted her child to be brilliant but also to have the people skills that she lacked. Booth was wonderful with people, he had no trouble putting them at ease and making them feel comforted and protected. It was a feeling that she experienced first hand every time she was with Booth, and it was the one thing that she could never give to their baby.

Their baby was another issue altogether. He had refused to father a child with out being a pivotal part of his or her life while Bren would rather not complicate things more than need be. It was not that she was opposed to having Booth around, in fact she could use the help, but there were deeper reasons behind it that she did not fully understand. This, of course, only made it harder to explain to Booth. They had reached a suitable agreement in which no boundaries had been violated before she went to the clinic some months ago. Booth was to have as many paternal responsibilities as he would like, after all there was no reason for her child to go fatherless when there was a great role model readily available. There did not have to be romantic ties between the two parents to show their child a loving family. At least that is what Bren kept telling herself. Hopefully one of these days she would actually believe it.

The knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts and jarred Booth away from the sonogram monitor, which he had currently been fidgeting with.

"Come in." She called out. The door opened to reveal a tall curly haired brunette in a crisp white lab coat and sensible black pumps.

"Good Morning Dr. Brennan," She said with a warm smile in Bren's direction. "Agent Booth." She finished with a nod in his direction.

"Hey, Doc." He said with a smile.

"How are you feeling today?" The Doctor asked.

"I'm starving." Booth responded.

"Booth, she was talking to me." Brennan snapped, irritated that he did not automatically pick up on it. "I'm well, Dr. Lark, thank you."

"How is the morning sickness?" Dr. Lark asked as she moved to start her preliminary examination. One if the traits that Bren liked the most about the doctor was her ability to distract from the actual exam with questions.

"It's a touch more sporadic but still quite frequent. I believe that my Co-workers will be glad when I'm not throwing up all of the time. It is really starting to hinder my work." She said as the doctor took off the blood pressure cuff and wrote the statistic in her chart.

"That is an understatement." Came Booth's reply. Both women ignored the quip as the doctor pulled up a rolling stool from the side of the exam table and tool a seat facing the expectant parents.

"To be honest with you, Temperance," She said, "there is a good chance that you may not be able to handle the sight or smells of a dead body for the duration of your pregnancy. I suppose, though, I can give you something for the really rough days. Only take this in severe emergencies, but it should take the edge off. How is the stress level these days?"

"It's nothing out of the ordinary, I'm just really behind. Booth says that I needed to relax a little more." She responded.

"You do, Bones; you can't keep running like this, it's going to catch up to you." Booth chimed in. While Brennan was oblivious to it, Dr. Lark caught the loving look he shot his partner. She smiled discreetly then turned her attention back to Bren.

"I'm a little concerned about your blood pressure. It's a little higher than I would like to see, but given the circumstances and morning sickness I'm not concerned yet. I do want to monitor it, however. I'm not asking you to do to much, just make sure that you are taking time to relax a little bit, Okay? Daddy, I am putting you in charge of making her take a little time every day to rest and recoup. It's hard on the body to support two people and it needs all the help it can get from you." Dr. Lark said as she stood and handed Brennan her prescription.

"I will do my best, Thank you Dr. Lark." Booth said raising from his spot to come and shake hands with her.

"It's my pleasure, Seeley. Take care of them" She said nodding to Brennan.

"I can handle my self." Brennan stated as she got down from the exam table. "Thank you Dr. Lark."

The Doctor nodded in approval and exited the room leaving the parents in her wake. Brennan picked up her purse and looked towards her partner who was already carrying her laptop bag over his shoulder and holding the door for her. She walked under his outstretched arm and into the hallway, only muttering "I'm hungry." On her way past.

Booth watched her retreating from a split second, smiling at the sheer thought of what he had gotten himself into.

2

"Bones!" Booth called out as he entered his partner's apartment with his spare key. The lights were on and there was low music coming from some corner of the living space but Bones was no where to be seen. He looked at the kitchen counter where a cup of half finished tea was getting cold and her lap top sat open. She had to be here somewhere. Turning on his heels he headed down the hallway in the direction of one room that she had been spending a significant amount of time in as of late. Poking his head around the open bathroom door he was rewarded with sight of his small partner hunched over the toilet retching.

He reached out and pulled her hair away from the soft angles of her jaw bones and rubbed her back gently. He could feel the spasms take her over as she emptied the contents of her stomach until there was nothing left. Her small hand then reached up and pulled the lever to flush and she leaned back against the cool porcelain of her giant tub. Booth was right there in her face brushing her bangs from her clammy forehead as she sat there catching her labored breath. Bren's eyes fluttered closed as he ran his cool hand along her fiery skin and for a split second she forgot where she was, her mind going blank and her body enjoying the calming sensation.

"Are you alright?" Booth's voice was an octave lower than usual, his words slow and deliberate. Her watery blues eyes opened to meet his warm brown ones and she exhaled and nodded. They sat there, on the tiled floor of the bathroom; till the world stopped spinning and her chest quit heaving. It was only then did Booth scoop her up into his strong arms and carry her into the living room where he deposited her onto the plush red couch.

"Thank you." She called out to him as he walked into the kitchen, picking up the cold cup of tea along the way. There was a time not long ago when she would have scolded him for coddling her this way, but as of late she just let it happen. It made him happy and she felt horrible most of the time anyway. What is a little comfort among friends?

"Anytime, Bones, besides you heard Dr. Lark today. I need to take care of you." He said as he came back into the room with a sprite in one hand and a bowl of oyster crackers in the other. Brennan reached out, taking the crackers and soda from her partner as he joined her on the couch. Booth pulled her feet into his lap before she could tuck them under her, rubbing the soles of them gently.

It was a different projection of their relationship when they were in the sanctity of their apartments. Since embarking on their shared journey of parenthood they had booth blurred the edges of their friendship slightly. Booth took on all the roles that a husband would in the normal scenario of a nuclear family, and Brennan allowed it. That in and of it's self was a great feat of strength.

"Don't get overprotective of me, Booth." Bren said.

"I'm not, you just need a little help." He said though he could feel his jaw clenching as he picked up the remote the flat screen TV she had purchased a few months ago. One of the snags they had hit along their path to parenthood has been the brain tumor Booth was diagnosed with last may. It had been right after she first asked him to father her child.

He had lived with her in the early days after his surgery and she had nursed him back to health. First guiding him through the darkness of amnesia and then helping him to re-learn things that seemed fuzzy. Now he was returning the favor, giving her the greatest gift of all, motherhood.

She had made great strides in her ability to handle emotions. She kept her self in great health, looking at things in a very logical way. One must be as healthy as possible to function as efficiently a possible. Yet still there were levels of emotions that she was not able to digest. It was hard for her to trivialize something so powerful, though she would never admit it. It was then that he would help her through the feelings, easing her discomfort at the unknown. It also allowed him to feel like a part of the situation as well. She was so good at keeping the proverbial front door closed sometimes, that Booth needed to find a way in the back.

"Have you told Parker yet?" Bren asked as she popped a cracker into her mouth. Booth sighed as he settled on a channel and went back to lightly rubbing the ball of her foot.

"I'm going to tell him this weekend. Rebecca is dropping his off at my place Saturday morning." He said his thoughts fleeting to his son and ex-girlfriend. She had been on him to tell them the news, but he was procrastinating. It wasn't his reluctance that scared him so much as the reason for it. Though it was getting more and more difficult to hide as Bren grew and with Christmas just around the corner, he was going to be spending more time with Parked and her together.

"Have you told her yet?" Bren looked down at her bowl.

"I'm going to tell her when I tell Parker. I wanted to do it all at once."

"Will it be a problem?" Had he actually heard uncertainty in her voice?

"No! Why would it be?" He was perplexed and intrigued to see where this conversation was leading.

"Anthropologically speaking, there will be competion between the care providers to maintain their status in your life." She popped another cracker in her mouth and chased it with the soda.

"Wait, Bones, are you being serious? Rebecca and I have not been together for the better part of three years. Is this your hormones talking or are you jealous of Rebecca?" He smiled at the look of true revolution that crossed her face.

" What? Booth, I have no reason to be jealous of Rebecca." Though the slight flush in her cheeks gave her away.

" You know what? I think you might be."

" You are being… I am not jealous." A smile cracked on her face even as she said it. As her mood changed the ridiculousness of the situation became more apparent to her.

" Bones, you have nothing to worry about. I am here the help you be the mom that we both know you will be. " He reached towards her putting his finger under her chin and forcing her to look at him. His eyes held amusement, wonderment and something else that she could not place. All she knew was that she saw it in his eyes frequently, and she was fairly certain that it was the driving force behind all of his actions. That realization alone was enough to keep her from questioning it.

3

" Why are we here ?" Brennan asked as she slammed the suburan's door shut.

" We have another body, Bones." Booth said as he fell in step with her placing his hand in the small of her back.

"Where?" She asked looking around the dead field.

"There" Booth pointed at several tall dead plants to their left. The cool early November air blew around them as they made their way to the crime scene.

" Do they think it is related to the Echols case as well?" she asked. They had discovered that Booth had been correct last week. There were a vast number of similarities in the case they were working on and the one they had just put to bed. The only issue was that they had arrested the perpetrator in Kelly Echols murder and he was currently residing in a padded cell. This meant one of two things, either there was a second killer or there was a copy cat on their hands.

" Wouldn't you say it was best not to leap to conclusions with out solid evidentiary support, Bones?"

" I am comfortable linking the two based on what we have uncovered thus far." She said pulling on her rubber gloves. It was then that the smell hit her nostrils. Rotted flesh was all she could smell and see causing her stomach to turn and her mouth to salivate. She swallowed hard willing herself to keep the bile down.

"_Keep it together." _She silently willed her body.

" Are you alright, Bones?" Booth stood in front of her watching her face contort and her jaw tense. She managed to get out a tight nod in his direction.

" Are you sure that you are alright? You look a little green." He prodded taking a step closer to her.

She opened her mouth to re assure him, only to lose control of her efforts. Managing an "Oh God" right before she threw up her bagel from that morning, the one Booth had bought her, all over the front of his suit and open pea coat. He was standing there, looking shocked and frozen at her, several other agents stifling their giggles behind him.

"Sorry. Does anyone have a napkin?" She asked with her hand covering her mouth. At that moment a hand from somewhere thrust a napkin into her hands, which she used to wipe her mouth. Booth stood there still frozen while she cleaned herself up.

" Um, Bones?" He asked trying to keep his own gag reflex from kicking in.

" Oh God, I'm sorry. Here." She thrust the napkin at him. Booth just shook his head and turned to the rest of the agents on the crime scene.

" Pack it all up. Ship it off to the Jeffersonian. We have to go." He said shrugging off his vomit covered pea coat and using it to wipe off his suit the best he could. "Could I also have an Evidence bag please?" He called as he started to march off with Bren in tow. She had a feeling that she would have to make up for this in a big way.

****

Back at the Jeffersonian

" You threw up on Booth?" Dr. Camille Saroyan asked with a hint of amusement in her voice.

" I was not able to control it." Brennan said as she stood a few feet from the autopsy table where Cam was working.

" But you threw up on Booth." Cam said placing a liver on a scale. Brennan looked away as she felt the familiar roll in her stomach.

"You threw up on Booth?" Angela Montenegro asked as she walked through the silver door with a clip board in her hands.

"I could not help it." Bren said a little more lightly.

"It's not your classiest moment, Sweetie." Angela said with a light laugh.

" Let's just focus on the case. I need those bones when you are finished." Brennan said as she turned on her heels and left the autopsy room in a huff.

" She's such a pleasure to be around these days." Cam said with a shake of her head.

"I can't believe she threw up on him. I would have paid money to see his face." Angela laughed.

" Would you like to hear the best part?"

" Oh, in the worst way."

" He brought her breakfast this morning when he picked her up." Cam laughed aloud this time with Angela not far behind.

" What's so funny?" Booth's voice sobered both women in an instant.

"Seeley, you look good." Cam snorted.

" Oh. Hahaha laugh it up ladies." Booth shook his head as the two women burst into laughter again.

" I have to go." Angela said in between laughter as she turned and exited the room her laughs trailing after her down the hall. Booth turned back to Cam who tried her best to look composed.

" Where is, Bones?"

" Oh, don't be a sour sport, Seeley. It's funny now that it's over." Cam said as Booth turned red with embarrassment.

"Yeah, it's hilarious." His sarcasm rang through loud and clear. After years of being his friend and his lover for a brief time, she knew him inside and out. She could see his conflicts even when he could not.

" Look, I told you this whole thing was a bad idea." She said setting her scalpel down.

" It was what she wanted, Camille." Booth ran his hands through his hair nervously.

"What about what you want, Seeley? You can not tell me that this is it."

" It's not the way it looks."

" Then how is it? Look, what you and Dr. Brennan do in your personal lives is your business, but as your friend, you really need to take a step back here and look in the mirror."

"She has taken care of me, Cam. This is what she wants, it's the least I can do for her."

Cam slammed her hands on the table. This was getting out of control. He could hide his feelings from himself but she could see them with absolute clarity. " You would have done it long before this, Seeley and you know it."

" I can't help it."

" I seem to be hearing that a lot around here, from both of you. You are in love with her, and you have been for years. Look, I've said all I can, I won't interfere. Just do something for me. Think about your feelings, really face them. Do not wake up in fifteen years and wish your life had been different." Cam's voice was softer now, more kind in a way. She looked at the man in front of her then the dead body on her table. " Life is short, Seeley, don't waste it on something you can never have."

Booth only nodded as he turned to leave. Cam's voice rang in his ears, though her words seemed scrambled in his head. It wasn't until he was half way down the hall that it all made sense.


	2. Chapter 2

4

Brennan sat at her computer typing up some reports while she impatiently waited on the bones to be released. Cam liked to do everything by the book which drove Brennan to the brink of madness most of the time. She had very little affinity for the flesh, deeming it only as the surface casing that most people saw in the first place. The real answers were deep in the underlying architecture. Where there was damage that was done, the bones remained the solid source that spoke the truth on most occasions.

She knew that just a tad more patience was in order, but she seemed to be in short supply these days. Booth usually made that fact fairly well known when need be, but it did not seem to make a difference.

" Bones?"

"_Speak of the devil._" Bren thought with the small smile that she seemed to get more and more when he was near her.

" Bones, there you are. I have been looking all over for you. How are you feeling?" Booth asked in a gasp as he flopped down onto the cushions of her oversized couch.

" Much better thank you," She said as she leaned back in her own chair, her arms resting comfortably on her slightly rounded midsection. It was a pose that Booth had noticed she took more frequently these days. She seemed to find a great deal of comfort in feeling their child grow inside her, wonder and surprise crossing her face. He kept wishing that she would offer to share it with him. He wanted desperately to feel the little bump make its presence known under her gauzy dresses, yet she kept that for herself. It was yet another issue that festered beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to make a guest appearance.

" I'm sorry about your suit. I can have it dry cleaned or replaced if you would rather." Brennan said when Booth didn't react.

" It's no big deal. I can take care of it." He said forcing a smile.

" You already dropped it off."

"Yeah." He said with a quickness that conveyed her understanding.

Brennan smiled as she sat up and scooted back to her computer. Her icy blue eyes moved back and forth in quick side-to-side motions as she processed the little black font. Every so often her brow would furrow and she would vehemently click the backspace key till she seemed satisfied. Then her nails would click their way around the rest of the keys and her smile would return.

Booth lay there pretending to nap, Cam's words echoing in his mind. It had occurred to him more than once that he was settling for less than he wanted. It was not that he did not want Brennan, because he knew that was not the case in the least. He wanted her too much and in ways that she could not handle or allow. He knew that she was stretched as far she could, her emotional quota met for the time being. Yet part of him wanted, even needed more. He needed to have her, and that need only intensified as time went on. The only solution that he had found the strength to handle was to take anything she would offer over nothing at all.

" I'm starving." Her voice called him out of his own thoughts.

" I don't know that I have that many clean suits left." He joked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He smiled as he saw the slight flush in her cheeks.

" I thought that we could stop by the diner for some lunch before we met up with Sweets." She said standing up and turning off her workstation.

" Bones, the diner makes you sick." Booth said as he stood to meet her by the doorway.

" I want pie with my fries." She said as they exited her office and headed down the long sterile corridor of the Medico-legal lab.

" You hate pie."

" Not at the moment."

" We can stop at Mc Donald's if you want fries."

"No! That food is terrible for you. It's all saturated fats and empty calories. I refuse to expose our child to that. Besides, they don't have pie."

"Yes they do!" He said in exasperation.

" That is not pie." She said in a very definite tone.

" You don't even like pie." He repeated trying with one last-ditch effort to win this argument and save her from throwing up all over the floor of the diner once more. He was pretty sure that they would have thrown her out last time if he had not only helped clean it up but told them she was with child. How easily she forgot these little details.

" Your child does." She called over her shoulder as she kept her path streamlined for towards his suburban. Booth silently rolled his eyes as he chased after her. If he thought she was difficult normally, this was going to be a very long pregnancy.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has left me reviews for this piece. I really appreciate the feedback so please let it continue. Also I want to say that I am SO very pleased at the response this story has received. I am my own worst critic and I find it very inspirational that people want to follow our characters on their journey.

Thank you,

Delia

Also very brief legal disclaimer…. I do not own our characters, I just borrowed them to make my spare time a little more interesting and because well lets face it, I am dying for season five to start. For all intent and purposes the cast of Bones belongs to Twentieth Century Fox, Hart Hanson, and Kathy Reichs.

5

Brennan sat in Dr. Lance Sweet's office, her legs crossed and her hands folded in her lap. Booth sat in the chair next to her, fiddling with a pen in his hands. Neither spoke, leaving the only sound in the office up to the low hum of the air conditioning. Sweets stared at the two, trying to mask his annoyance with a goofy smile.

"So, Dr. Brennan, how are you feeling these days?" He asked in a tight voice.

" Actually I feel well right now." She responded with a lack of enthusiasm that was not uncommon for the good doctor.

" How is the baby?" He asked, his temper raging and his control on his voice seemed to slip slightly.

" She is well." Brennan said as she cocked her head a little to the left. She was beginning to wonder why they still came to these sessions. The original reasons that they were forced into partners therapy had resolved themselves over the last few years. It was her father's arrest that put her here in front of Sweets in the first place, and he had done nothing but poke at her like a lab rat ever since. There some issues that even psychology could not fix. Not that she believed in it any way.

"So it's a girl then?" Sweets jumped at the tidbit of information with ready ears. His pen was poised, ready catch some blimp of anything that Brennan had to offer him.

" That is not confirmed. Bones believes that she is having a girl, but we are not really sure." Booth finally piped up putting the pen down and sitting up straight.

" Is that what you are hopping for, Booth?" Sweets asked.

" It would be kind of nice to have a daughter." Booth admitted, thinking about his preference for the first time. It had never occurred to him to bother with that since Brennan kept him at arms length anyway. He practically had to beg to go with her to the doctor's appointments. He could hear Cam's voice creeping up into his head once more, this time she seemed to make more sense than before. Was it normal to not think about his child in terms of gender? Was he adding to the level of disconnect they shared? Was the lack of emotional responsiveness just as much his fault as it was hers?

Sweets watched with acute attentiveness at the emotions sweeping across Booth's face. He would have loved to know what was being thrown around in his mind at that moment. Part of him wanted to enrich his book, fill the world in on love lost and partners in work and life, but the other part, the more dominate one, wanted to know just because he cared. He wanted to befriend these two in the worst way, wanted to be a part of their inner sanctity. There was a great parallel to their inability to be together and his inability to penetrate their barrier.

" I think it would be pretty wicked awesome if you had a little girl. I bet the two of you would have a real heartbreaker. I mean she would be totally hot." Sweets said without thinking. Two heads shot in his direction, their eyes looked questioning.

" I mean, that totally came out wrong." Sweets started to trip over his words. '_Good going, you want them to let you be their friend while you sound like a pedophile peeping at there unborn daughter.'_ He mentally kicked himself in the head.

" Yeah, You are not coming near my kid, heartbreaker or other wise." Booth said in an authoritative voice while Brennan just shook her head.

" What I meant was that you will have a very attractive child." Sweets swung another mound of dirt out of the proverbial hole we was digging for himself.

" Well I think we are through here." Brennan said as she stood up, shooting Booth a look.

" But we still have half an hour left." Sweets called out as the pair retreated without a response.

" Right." He exhaled to the closing door. It was something he had come to know well in the last few years.

**********

Booth closed the door and followed Brennan up to the elevator bank. She was still shaking her head, though there was no real anger evident on her delicate features. If he did not know her any better he would have believed that she was just looking for an excuse to get out of their session today.

"Sweets should see someone about his level of social awkwardness." She said as the large Steele door closed her in with Booth.

" He's not that bad. Besides when did you get to be the expert on what is and what is not socially acceptable." Booth asked slightly amused.

" I'm just saying that he can not say that stuff, people will not be ok with it."

" Well you can not go around calling peoples loved ones the victim or the body and you do that. It's just a quirk that he has." Booth reached out to hold the door open as she passed through.

" I'm only giving people the most proficient answer to their questions, what is wrong with that? People deserve to know these things." She responded as they made their way down the hall to Booth's office.

" It is tactless for starters." Booth said as he took a seat behind his desk. Brennan however did not take her usual seat across from him. Instead she stood in the doorway. Alarm went off in Booth's mind, perhaps that last comment was too much, and it was hard to tell what would set her off these days.

" I have to get back." She said not moving.

" I'm sorry Bones, I didn't mean to upset you." Booth decided that apology was the best route from here.

" No. No it's fine, Booth. I am just anxious to get back to the remains from this morning." She said turning to leave, " I'll call you later."

He watched her turn to leave, that absent-minded goodbye thrown over her shoulder. It was just as well, she kept him out of everything else in her life. He was beginning to wonder if she really was letting him in, or if the farther they went the more she pushed him away.


	4. Chapter 4

6

The daylight had drained into the DC skyline as the evening approached. There were lights on through out the cold city, people settling into their homes and preparing for their quiet evenings. Though in the heart of the city there was still one light burning it's midnight oil.

Brennan sat at her desk in silence. She looked from her computer screen to the case files the cluttered mahogany structure held until her gaze landed on the small brainy smurf sitting obstructed from view at the edge. A smile crept up on her face as her eyes focused on the little figurine. Reaching for it she fingered the smooth texture, sighing heavily. She had set it out of view trying to keep the fact that she had held on to it from Booth's razor sharp glare. It had been almost two years since he had given it to her.

He had sat there at their favorite table, the harsh neon lights of the diner encasing his features as he recounted the story of his childhood ignorance. He had meant to even the playing field, but he had ended up reminding her that sometimes the things we think we need are not always in the packages that we expected. He had smiled his best million-dollar smile, laid his charm on thick, and handed her the little smurf. In that moment she no longer detested Brainy Smurf, she welcomed him. She could hear his liquid voice in her head as she held the object.

_'Smurffette was dumb, shallow smurf who only had her looks. You are better than Smurffette, You've got your looks and a whole lot more."_

Her free hand drifted to her abdomen. There was a level of comfort that came to her in knowing that Booth would be a good father to her child. It was not how she has played things out in her mind, emotions being the unimportant factor, when she had first conceived the idea of being a mother. She had only seen herself nurturing her offspring, raising them to be brilliant and polite. She would teach them the gifts that she had to offer, but it had never occurred to her that she might need a softer more humanistic influence on them. She had failed to realize that the reason she had a greater sense of humanity in the first place was because she had Booth's influence in her day-to-day life.

' _Evolution is a long process, it takes hundreds of years.' Booth said leaning across the table. _

_'Thousands.' Brennan said with a smile._

_' Why do you always have to correct me?'_

_' To help you evolve.' She said with pride._

Brennan smiled again, this time looking at the figure in her hand. She may have helped Booth evolve in some ways, but he had done the same for her. He had given her back her life in so many ways. He gave her that human connection that left her wanting more. They had helped each other move along the path of life in perfect harmony. When they were together flowers were prettier, people made more sense, and she felt a sense of total clarity and inner peace that she did not realize existed.

She was brilliant, but even she could not see what was missing from her life. Her feelings for Booth were more than the natural feelings that developed from being thrown into chaos with someone, he had allowed her to be a better person. He made her stop, every now and then, to see the world through those rose colored glasses that she had discarded all those years ago. He would give her anything she asked for, yet his greatest gift was something she never thought she would need. He had given her the most valuable gift of all, her humanity. That was the reason that she, Dr. Temperance Brennan, loved him unconditionally, whether she believed it or not.

******************

Meanwhile in an FBI office building across town….

Booth sat at his desk with a pen and several manila folders. He needed some organization in his life, this place was starting to look tragic. Files and papers covered his desk, a stack of crime scene photos were off to the side in a pile. He needed some space to work, to function, to breathe. Cam's words we still haunting him, popping into the forefront of his mind every few minutes. He needed to face this, to make himself admit the truth, before it drove him crazy. He had doubts and fears just like any expectant father, though they seemed more familiar after having Parker.

The irony of the situation was that there were so many parallels between the two. He had beat himself senseless when Rebecca had refused to marry him all those years ago, wondering if he was cut out the be a father or a husband. He had questioned the caliber of his manhood and the legitimacy of his word. Those same thoughts crept up on him now, pushing their way in. The doubt, the fear and the anxiety crashed over him like a tidal wave of emotion. In every situation he saw himself failing, yet it should feel different this time. He already knew that he was a good father, and that he was a good man. Still here he was at the brink of fatherhood and he was scared shitless all over again.

Frustrated with himself he threw his pen across the room. The plastic tube bounced off the wall and landed on the carpet. He did not care about looking crazy through the glass door of his office, everyone had gone home for the evening. It was harder when he was alone, with no sound to drown out those voices in his head.

He could not do this anymore. He could not hide his real feelings in the wake of her rationalism. It was too late to take the offer off of the table, and to be honest he probably would not even if her could. He wanted to have a claim to her to badly. He wanted to be a part of her life in a more permanent way, more than he wanted to take his next breath. They say that having a near death experience was supposed to be an eye opener, but they never say what happens to the guy who already has his eyes open.

He would close his eyes at night and still see those images of her in his mind. He could feel her skin on his, smell her hair, or feel her eyes on him. He had dreamt up the Brennan that he wanted, he had her in his grasp for such a short amount of time. He was grasping at straws, hoping to come out on top.

He did not want to reap the benefits of someone else's convienent wants and desires. It was Brennan's desire to have a child that put him here, but it was his own weakness that kept him. It was never about the responsibility or the need to sire another offspring. No, for him at least, it was an act of love. He loved her with all of himself and he would never be able to tell her no. She had asked far too much of him this time and he had given it to her willingly. It was never about feeling like he owed her one after the surgery or his tumor, he would have done this with out all of that. He was hopelessly in love with a woman who was not capable of loving him in return. Not in the way that he needed it at least.

Booth stood up and stretched. He needed to get out of here for a while. He needed time to clear his head. It may have sounded cliché but he felt trapped because he had too much space. She was not a cold or shrill woman, in fact she was warm and caring. The real issue was that her walls were just too high and he did not have anywhere near enough rope to scale them.


	5. Chapter 5

7

One Month Later

" Booth?" Brennan called as she rounded the corner toward his office with her nose buried in a report from sweets. She evaded several agents as best she could till she came face to face with his glass door. It was ajar and his lights were on, but Booth was missing in action. His suit jacket was slung over his chair and soft music flowed from somewhere, yet Brennan could not place it. She used a little deductive reasoning to guess that he was still in the building, probably out getting coffee, so she took her usual seat. She needed the break anyway. Her body was exhausted.

Things between the two of them had been icy at best lately and she was not sleeping well. Instead she stayed at her office most of the time, working on limbo cases well into the night to avoid the fact that she could not figure out what had changed so suddenly.

The truth was that his distance was starting to worry her. He used to stop by her apartment every night, even stay with her on occasion. As of late it had only been once a week if at all. The last time she had seen him smile was two weeks ago at their sonogram. She was right, they were having a little girl. He had laughed and made a joke about keeping her away from Sweets.

That had been the end of their happiness though, he had slipped right back into the distant persona. She had attributed their caseload to his distance, but they had put their last one to bed not even three days ago. Something else was wrong though she could not get close enough to figure it out.

"Tempe?" A deep male voice called out in surprise, causing her to turn at the sound of her given name.

Her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Her voice left, her throat felt dry all of a sudden. The drama with Booth was momentarily forgotten as she took in the bronze figure standing in the doorway.

" Sully?" She managed to squeak out, in what she hoped was her most adult sounding voice.

" My God Tempe, how have you been?" He seemed to float through the room, time seemed to blur for a moment. She was sitting there looking at his silhouette her mind a confused mess. The last time she had seen her ex-lover was the day he had sailed into the sunset. She had been so enamored with him, contemplating sailing to the ends of the earth with him. She had not been able to though. She had stood on the dock watching the boat with her namesake sail away with her one chance and love aboard, and then when the sun blocked her view and waves had engulfed him, she had turned to Booth. She walked out of the harbor with his arm around her thinking that she would be ok, as long as he was there.

She had never expected to come face to face with him in Booth's office of all places. She had no words for just a split second, the feeling of ambush seizing her rationality.

" You look good." He smiled at her, taking the pressure off of her for an answer.

"You look good as well. That Caribbean sun agrees with you." She took in his appearance for the first time, he seemed more muscular. His dark brown hair was streaked with blonde from the sun, his eyes held a relaxation she had only ever dreamed of. He was like Adonis standing before her, and she was well, sort of fat. There was a certain sense of inadequacy that she was not used to setting in. She was not used to being on the down side of running into and ex-lover, and she hoped this was the closest she would ever be to the experience.

" Some things change in a big way when you give up reality." He said nodding towards her bulging stomach. She instantly rounded her arms around it to protect it from him. Suddenly there was a sense of unease she had not really ever felt around him before. She hoped it was just that inadequacy flaring up again.

" Some one is a very lucky guy." Sully said his eyes sparkling. For just a split second Brennan wished that he would not take the high road. She wanted to see jealousy turn him green instead of genuine well wishes making him seem like the champion.

" I am." Booth said from behind the two, his tall stocky form leaning against the doorway. That spark was back in his eyes, just like at the doctor's office. He seemed to enjoy getting to tell Sully that more than Brennan would have liked. She was a trained anthropologist, well versed in culture and human behavior. In short she knew a power struggle when she saw one.

"What are you doing here?" She asked Sully, hopping to avoid any more displays of blatant testosterone.

"Ask your man in the suit. He called me in." Sully smirked at Booth who was making his way silently around the room to his desk.

" Booth?" Brennan looked on questioningly. Her curiosity was piqued. Not only had Booth called in her ex-lover without informing her but he had done so for a case she had yet to hear about.

" There was a body found in the reflection pool last night. A very upset class of kindergartners will have nightmares for a very long time." Booth said bowing his head slightly.

" Oh. I see. I get it, I do, but I can't help you." Sully's demeanor did a one eighty. He got up, feeling the rampant claustrophobia set in. He needed to go, this was not his life and not his problem.

" You were there Sully, you can help us." Booth called to him.

Brennan just sat there in confusion. Why was Sully a sudden expert on the reflection pond? Why was Booth so desperate to keep him here? Why had no one stopped to fill her in? Her already short patience snapped.

" Sit down!" She yelled finding her voice once more. The men turned to her, startled. Sully dropped into the chair he had been occupying his full attention of the woman to his right.

" Now someone had better tell me what is going on here, right now." She snapped.

" I was going to fill you in later, I wanted to get Sully on board first." Booth said by way of an apology she was not buying.

" Just tell her Booth." Sully's voice had a hard edge to it, one that Brennan had never heard before.

" It's your story to tell, not mine." Booth kept up the cryptic speak, only irritating Brennan more. One of these men had better get it together or she was going to have both of their hides.

" My Partner," Sully began. "His name was Larry Carter and he was a real firecracker. There was no man out there that he wouldn't catch. About a year before you and I worked together we were hot on the tale of this serial killer. His name was Michael Lorenzo and he was a real sick son of a bitch. He used to abduct women, rape them, and leave them to bleed out in the reflection pond. We tried to keep the media out of it, sent in recon missions, I mean this guy was good.

" Somehow, Carter managed to get the one up on him. He got to his latest victim before he killed her. He saved her life. All we had to do was locate him quickly enough and we would have him on death row before supper.

"It was two days later I came into my office. There was a package addressed to me, inside it were two bones with carter's name, birth and what later turned out to be his death year carved into them. I found my partner two days later floating face up in the reflection pool. Lorenzo was long gone by then."

" I'm sorry, Sully." He looked up to see Brennan's eyes looking onto his own. She had a kind look on her face, much like the one she wore the day he left her. It was bad enough that he had to face the death of his partner all over again but to have to see the woman that he loved, pregnant by someone else, it seemed like to much to bear.

" It's alright. Okay, it's not alright but if we could just catch this guy I would be able to put a huge part of my life to rest. It would be the closure that I think I need." He said keeping Brennan's gaze. She looked at him with pain in her eyes for him. It was that gaze that triggered his epiphany in a spit second. Working with her would be to hard, have to many consequences for his emotional well being. He needed to put her to rest as well before he could ever hope to function with them.

"Where do we start?" Brennan asked pulling Sully out of his own pity party.

" Where we always do," Booth said for the first time in what seemed like eons.

" Let's go to the crime scene then." Brennan said starting to stand.

" I had everything you need shipped from the crime scene to the lab." Booth answered without looking at her. She looked up surprised as she fell back into her chair.

"Why wasn't I with you at the crime scene?"

" I took Cam." He stated.

" Oh, I see." She stood again, this time waiting till she was in the doorway before she spoke. " Sully, It was good to see you though I wish it were under more pleasant circumstances. I'll be at that lab if you need me call me." She turned on her heels and was gone. Her hostile attitude did not go unnoticed by either man.

"She'd become and even bigger firecracker." Sully said watching her walk away through the glass.

" It's been almost unbearable as of late." Booth said looking away. He hated to see the pain on her face. There was still a part of him that wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold her.

" Trouble in paradise?" Sully countered knowing full well that he had no right to ask, but feeling like he was owed at least that much.

" You have to get to paradise before the can be trouble in it." Was all Booth said in response.


	6. Chapter 6

8

Brennan was livid as she made her way to the FBI building's parking garage. The last time she had been this angry with Booth, he had arranged to have her detained at Dulles International Airport after a hellish fight home from Guatemala. She had truly hated him at that moment, ready to take him out in the same fashion she had taken out the Home Land Security officer. Had he have not been the only thing that stood between her and the light of day she would have done it. There had been such a smug look on his face as he had slid the copy of her book across the table. That same smug look had not been there this time.

In fact one of the major reasons that she did not fight him more on the topic was the look of true shame that had crossed his face. He had looked more like a cheating lover caught in the act, rather than a smug agent on the trail of his latest perpetrator. The crazy thing was, she felt like his jilted significant other. It was not so much the act of his 'betrayal' as the feelings that she was dealing with. She was comfortable with admitting that she was jealous, nervous that Cam would move in on her territory. She knew there was history there and it was not uncommon for people to fall back into their old familiar habits.

What seemed the most perplexing of all was that she should not care if he did want Cam or not. She was not his wife or otherwise, in fact she had been very clear that they were embarking on this journey together as equals. They had split their assets in this case fifty fifty. There was no real concrete connection linking the two other than their unborn daughter. This was how she had wanted things, no unnecessary strings attached.

It was logical to assume that Booth would take Cam. The body was still clearly fleshy and she only did bones. It had been more of a Cam crime scene. There was always a reasonable explanation for every action. She just needed to withdraw her raging hormones from the situation and calm down. She could not let herself be ruled by her blatant chemical reactions in her brain. She needed to get a grip, and fast.

Sliding into the seat of her silver sedan she placed the metal key in the ignition. With a quick flick of her wrist the vehicle roared to life. Talk radio came from the speakers with her state of the art sound system, yet another luxury that Booth had talked her into. With everything complicated in her life came Booth. From the flat screen TV she could not seem to operate to the extensive car stereo. He had even bought a crib with her last week, that she did not have a snowball's chance in hell of putting together. She had just assumed that when the time came he would have to assemble it on his own.

The smooth roll of her tires in the wet DC road seemed to calm her. She could feel the tension start to dissipate, even sense a much more pleasant atmosphere in the black leather lined automobile. Small white snowflakes feel onto the dashboard and the surrounding pavement. There were colored lights hanging in windows and people hurrying around, their arms laden with shopping bags. Christmas was approaching rapidly and she had forgotten to take notice. It was just another day of the year to her, in fact be it not for her little one she would be taking her yearly trip to identify the dead.

It had occurred to her, though, with a child on the way perhaps she should be a tad more receptive to the magic of the season. Booth certainly was. He loved Christmas, the whole Christmas season. This year in particular she had caught him with a special swing in his step at the thought of have a little girl to share it with. There he was again. Booth. It had never occurred to her that Booth was in every aspect of her life. He was her work, her confidant, the father of her child, and the vast encompassment of her free time. Even her books had more and more of him in them. With one person holding so many roles in her life it was no wonder she found his recent distance concerning.

She had no idea what it meant or what she should do about it. All she could conclude, with absolute clarity, was that she had to get to the bottom of this and quickly. It was starting to impend on her work and that could not be tolerated. They could not function as parents or partners if they were not conveying affection or love of some level in their relationship. Leaning back in her seat she hit the gas a little making her way down the street to the Jeffersonian.

She needed to talk to him in a setting where he was forced to talk back to her. She needed to get him in a situation where he could not shrug her off and tell her she was crazy. They had another partner's therapy session in a few days and that seemed like the best time to dissect their issues. She would resolve this before it became a full-blown problem. They had not met something they could not work out. Not yet anyway.

9

Three Days Later.

Brennan sat on the platform looking down at the cleaned bones on the Steele table below her. The overhead lights glared down on her as she ran her finger along the edges of the right tibia, the left one was missing. Looking at it closely she noticed tiny marks ran down the length of the bone. They seemed to form a pattern but she could not make it out.

" Bones!" Booth's voice startled her causing her head to fly up and crack on the light above her. A dull ache set in instantaneously starting in her crown and spreading outward like a wild fire.

" Oh God! Bones, are you alright?" Booth was there by her side in a flash. He reached out and touched the offended area, his fingers placing the slightest pressure over the wound.

" Booth, you should not scare me like that. What would happen if I had compromised the remains?" She chided him, her hand reaching up to her head. He was close enough that he could smell the sweet scent of her hair, feel the silky black tresses as he checked for blood. For just a brief moment their fingers brushed and he dropped his iron clad guard down. Giving into his own weakness he let himself feel her. He could touch her, protect her, have her, and be a part of her. Just for a split second though. As it is a well know fact all great moments are fleeting.

Steeping away from her, Booth slipped right back into his icy demeanor, shutting her out once more. He was matching her wall for emotionally distant wall. Eventually, if he could keep this up, they would drift apart until their ties were severed by natural selection. It killed him; slowly he felt a part of him die with their life together. It was the only way though. He could not pretend that it was enough for him to have only a part of her. He wanted all or nothing. He glanced at his watch and noticed the delay had caused them to run late.

" We have to go or we will miss our session and he will make us do a make-up on Saturday." Booth said trying to pull her out of her own element and into more common ground.

" Oh! Just let me grab my coat, I'll meet you at the door." Before he could respond she was gone. It was odd that she was so interested in therapy today; usually he had to poke and prod her for several twenty-minute installments. Something was up.

*****

Twenty Minutes Later

Sweets was looking at the couple across from him. Something was wrong. He could sense that their energy was off. Each looked lost in their own thoughts, sadness and torment crossing their faces at different times.

" Ok, I'm picking up some serious hostile vibes here. Is something wrong?" He said gaining their full attention.

" Booth has been acting oddly as of late. It concerns me." Brennan said with out much ado.

" How so?" Sweets countered. He ignored Booth's reaction and instead focused on the woman in front of him. If the good doctor was finally confiding in him, then he had just made a major break trough.

" He has been distant, even cold."

" Agent Booth? Do you have anything to add?" His gazed shifted to the stunned man to his left.

" There is nothing wrong, Sweets, we are just fine." Booth responded to the other man, before he turned to look at Brennan. " You brought this up in front of the kid?"

" I had to get you in a situation where you were trapped. Otherwise you claim there is no problem." She answered in the same hushed tone.

" Agent Booth, What has caused this distance in your partnership? Sweets observed the pair. Brennan looked well pressed, her cool and collected exterior shielding her fears. She was being blunt, putting her self out there and giving him her thoughts at face value. Booth was fidgeting and defensive. He was clearly tying to hide something from her.

" There is no distance, we are fine." His tone giving his lies away.

" Dr. Brennan could you provide some examples?" Sweets offered up, trying to get her to open up.

" The most recent being that he took Cam to a crime scene for investigation with out even informing me that we had a case." She said.

" Bones, it was one crime scene out of thousands. It's not that big of a deal." Booth interjected.

" Then why did you hide it from me?"

" You are a bone person, Cam is a flesh person. What is the big deal?"

" I believe that Dr. Brennan feels you have violated her trust by taking her co-worker out in to the field. Your exclusion of her makes her feel like you are choosing Dr. Soroyan over her, filling her shoes so to speak." Sweets said attempting to halt the argument her could see brewing.

" I did feel excluded." Brennan said.

" She also feels like you have cheated in her in a way. The crime scene, in her mind, is your home together. By bringing Dr. Soroyan in you have violated the sanctity of that 'home'." Sweets said, using his fingers as quotation marks.

" Yes… wait. What?" It was Brennan's turn to glare at Sweets.

" You view the act of the investigation process as your quality time together. To you this is a surrogate marriage, perhaps one that you would like to pursue but are otherwise unable to; therefore you place your partnership in front of your feelings for each other. It is a classic 'band-aid' technique." He said making the finger quotes again.

" I do not believe in marriage. I thought that we were all very clear on the fact that we are just partners." Brennan's voice picked up an edge as she spoke.

" Let me ask you something. Dr Brennan, how many partners can you name, just off the top of your head, who are having a child together."

" This," Booth said for the first time in several minutes, his hand motioning back and forth between Brennan and himself. " This feak show is not any kind of marriage I want to be a part of. It was a convenient union of shared interest. It is nothing more and nothing less. It seems that the only people who have any clarity in this matter is Brennan and myself. So, let me inform you, just to clarify. This is my partner. My absolutely brilliant wonderful partner, but a partner is all she will ever be. Am I making myself crystal clear, because I do not want to repeat this again." The only sound in the room came from Brennan's breath as it hitched in her throat.

Sweets was speechless. He had never heard Booth speak that way, especially not about Brennan. She, on the other hand look the closest to tears he had ever seen. Her blue eyes turned gray and her head hung low. If it were possible he could have sworn he heard her heart break.

" Freak show?" her voice faltered and she did not meet Booth's eyes.

" Bones, I didn't mean…"

" Allow me to end this for you now then." She stood cutting him off. Sweets said nothing in her wake as she turned to Booth one last time.

" Bones, sit down." She looked at him, with lightening in her eyes. There were no words to express how she felt or to even do him justice. For once all of her knowledge failed her. She had worked so hard to keep herself from getting hurt, only to end up shattered. With out another word the turned and left the room leaving the two slack jawed men behind. The tears did her the favor of waiting until the door was closed before they fell. At least she still had her pride.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N:

I just want to thank everyone for following my little tale of despair. I do not want to ruin the tale but I will say that there is not need to worry about Sully and Brennan getting back together. I really appreciate all of your support it has helped keep my head in the game and my writing on key. And now as we commence onto the climax of our little tale I hope it moves you to read it as much as it did for me to write it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love,

Delia.

10

Booth watched as the door closed on his partner. He had never felt so small in his entire life. In fact he was certain that he could actually hear the moment her heart broke. He could not have felt more like shit. The feelings had hit him with brilliant force leaving his broken partnership in their wake. There was no need to wait for the natural order to take care of things; he had managed to fuck them up well enough on his own.

It was an enigma with no solution. He was screwed either way, he had her and he wanted more or he did not and he was incomplete. He needed her damn it. He needed all of her or part of her or whatever she could give him. If only he had thought a little more wisely before he spoke, if only his harshness was able to be better restrained. He needed her to see that he was wrong, that he loved her. Honesty was the only card he had left to play before he had to fold.

Sweets was still there looking at the shell of a man in front of him. For the moment he was not looking into experiments for his book. It was truly disconcerting to see his friends fight each other while they both raged against their own inner battles. He knew that Booth had not meant what he said in the literal sense but it was a brutal blow nonetheless.

" I don't know what to do." Booth said staring at him.

" Perhaps it is time to come clean, Booth." Sweets responded in a lighter more neutral tone, trying to ease the other man's discomfort.

" And say what exactly? I'm sorry I called our partnership a 'freak show' I'm just having a hard time dealing with the fact that I love you more than anything else in the world." His eyes were glassy as he spoke, tears threatened to over come him.

" This situation totally sucks, dude." Booth looked up at him, letting him know that he already understood that. " The only way to make this better is to admit your feelings to Dr. Brennan. I think the reason you can't do that is because you have not admitted them to yourself."

" I'm pretty sure admitting it to myself is what got me into this mess."

" Not exactly. You admitted it to yourself in a sense but you never dealt with it. You have to face it or you will lose her." Sweets said as he set his notebook down and stood. It was clear that the one thing Booth really needed was a little privacy to regain his composure. Besides there was nothing more that he could do for the man. Booth stood as well and made his way to the door. He paused at the frame and looked back at Sweets before taking his leave. Sweets had planted the seed, he only hoped it was deep enough for it to grow.

As Booth made his way down the hall to the elevators he thought about what had just happened. He needed some space, a concept he found himself having more and more frequently theses days. He was struggling with an internal demon wiping out all of his devices. The need to come to terms with his feelings once and for all kept shifting, turning into something far more powerful. It felt so empty inside there, destroyed by words he had not even meant. There had to be a way to right this wrong, to get her back to him where she belonged. Pulling out his cell phone he hit one on his speed dial and waited. The line rang once, then twice, then several more times.

" You have reached Dr. Temperance Brennan. I apologize but I am unable to come to the phone right now, if you will please leave me a detailed message along with valid contact information I well return your call in a timely manner. BEEP!"

Booth hung up. What he needed to say her voicemail could not convey appropriately. She would know that he had called regardless and hopefully after cooling off call him back. Booth leaned his head back against the elevator wall, there was a lot on his plate aside from the mess he had made of his personal life. He needed to get in touch with Sully, he needed to sift through the evidence and write out the reports. In the end the paperwork won out. At least in the confines of his own office he did not need to pretend that he was all right.

11

The sunlight had dipped down over the trees long ago. Fresh snow was falling along the ground as the last ruminants of light made their way around the J. Edgar Hoover building. Booth had not notice the transition from day to night, his face buried in the mounds of paper work that he was working on. He focused mainly on the photographs comparing the recent victim with the past. It was on his third or second run through that he noticed it. So slight that anyone; even his brilliant partner could have over looked it. The left tibia on the past victims had been removed surgically, leaving clean lines along the lower leg. The missing left tibia of the recent victim had been hacked out.

Either the killer was getting sloppy or the same person did not do the murders. It was very likely to be the latter. If in fact the same person where doing these they would have kept to their original methods. There was no need to change the game now, unless one was new to it. They were not looking for Carter's killer; they were looking for a new one.

He set the file down and rubbed his eyes. It had been almost four hours since his call to Brennan and she had not yet responded. He needed to tell her about his discovery and he also needed to apologize. He needed her to forgive him. It looked like a trip to the Jeffersonian was in his near future. Getting up and grabbing his pea coat on the way out the door he made his way to the parking garage.

The drive to the lab was silent. The voices in his head were enough noise for anyone to put up with. He would just march in there, tell her he was sorry, make her see the real reason behind everything and win her back. Then he would tell her about his discovery. Hopefully that would leave his adorably pregnant partner gleaming with pride at him. A fellow could dream at least.

It felt like it took a lifetime to get there. Once he did he threw the suburban in a parking space and rushed up to her sovereign territory. He fed his plan streams of confidence until he reached her office. The one with the closed door and lights turned out. Glancing down he checked the time. It was only seven-thirty; there was no way she had already left for the day. She kept even longer hours than usual trying to keep from getting to far behind when the baby came.

Spinning around her headed to the autopsy room. Perhaps she was examining the body with Camille. The working relationship between the two had seemed more strained than usual due to his antics; it was just another mistake he would have to repent for. Not only was he deflating his partnership, but he was causing issues for Cam as well.

" Have you seen Bones?" He asked her causing the medical examiner to jump in her chair.

" Though you two were out doing whatever it is you do." She said straightening the papers that she had scattered everywhere.

" We were, but there was a little misunderstanding. I just figured she had come back here."

" Not that I have seen, but I have had my nose in this book for the last six hours. Did you check her office or the platform?"

" Yeah, the place was dark and only Hodgins was on the platform." Booth pulled out his phone, no missed calls. He looked to Cam; she sat there poised to react. With out voicing their suspicions they both backtracked Booth's steps.

As soon as she flicked on the light in the anthropologist office they saw it. Booth felt his throat close and the air leave his chest. There, in the center of her desk right nest to the small plastic pig he had given her, was a long bone wrapped with a shiny gold ribbon.

" Oh God, Seeley." Cam swallowed hard making her way to the evidence, Booth right behind her. He leaned over her shoulder as she looked around the desk. Sheathing her hands in two latex gloves from the pocket of her lab coat she picked up the bone, turning it around. On the underside right next to the ribbon were several engraved words, '_Dr. Temperance Brennan 1976-2009'. _

" No this can not be real, we were together not even four hours ago." Booth protested the evidence. There was no way that psycho had taken his partner.

" When did you see her last?" Cam's voice pulled him out of his head.

" I don't know, four hours ago. We were in a session with Sweets and we got into an argument. She left and, I assumed, took a cab back here." Booth said trying to recall the important details that seemed to be far too fuzzy now.

" Have you spoken to her since?"

" I called her right after I left the session but she did not answer. I figured that I would just give her time to cool off and then we would talk." Booth looked away trying to hide from Cam's detective eyes. She could tell that whatever going on went much deeper than that but there was no time to press for the specifics. If they wanted to find Brennan alive they had to act quickly.

" I will run a DNA test but I am certain that this is the tibia of the victim. I will also ask Hodgins if he can find any particulates on it, perhaps of we can find out where this has been we can find her."

" Camille, I said something today, I didn't mean to, it just came out. I was so frustrated and I slipped. I can't let… That can't be the last thing I ever say to her." Booth said stopping her in her tracks. She halted halfway to the door and turned to face him. His tormented face looked broken. This was not the man she had known and loved. This man was alone and scared. It was a pretty well known fact that Seeley Booth did not do scared.

" We will find her, I promise." The weighty bond was the only thing she could give him. There were no guarantees at the moment, but he did not need to know that. Ducking her head one last time, her lips tightened into a line she walked out of the office, evidence in hand.

Booth sank onto Brennan's couch with his face between his hands. For the second time today tears welled up in his eyes. This time he let them come. If they did not find her he would never forgive himself for this afternoon or otherwise. He needed her more than he needed to breathe. If earlier he had not been man enough to own up to his feelings he certainly was now. But it was far to little way to late. He would never have the chance to tell her that. He would never smell her hair or look into her eyes. His hand would never rest in the curve of her back as they walked. He would never get to fight with her. That was what he would miss the most, the verbal spars. She never stopped challenging him, pushing him to be a better man.

It was there in her office of pure reason that he pushed aside his logic and clasped his tear stained hands in prayer. He needed the good lord on his side in this one, needed the guidance. If only he could have one more shot. If there was a way to tell her that he was sorry. He would let her make the rules, let her call all of the shots. He would give up anything to have his family back. All he needed was time, just enough time. It only took being a few seconds ahead to rescue her. With the Lord on his side then, perhaps he could be just quick enough to save her life.

12

Jack Hodgins sat silently at his computer while it rendered. There were times when the computer was not fast enough to out run the bad guy. He took a long pull on his coffee cup and hoped this was not one of them. The bone Cam had given him was particulate gold, crawling with several very interesting creatures that he would have taken the time to explore normally. At the moment, he just needed one good clue as to where this thing had been. He sat here, three hours after Cam had filled him in, waiting for his computer to work. Everyone was around him on the platform staring at the piece of calcium like it held the answer to the second coming.

Angela sat next to Booth rubbing his shoulders in way that left Hodgins very curious. Booth was always so calm and collected. He kept things rolling and called the shots normally. Now though, the poor looked like a deflated raft in his pool house waiting on summer.

Cam was examining the Bone with a microscope looking for anything else that might have been overlooked. He was not sure there was much more bone she could go over though. They were running out of time, if they even had any left in the first place. Talk about a shot in the dark.

" These score marks must be where he carved this out of the victim." Cam said aloud, more to herself than to anyone in particular.

" Can you tell what type of weapon was used?" Angela asked still rubbing the catatonic Booth's shoulders.

" That would be Dr. Brennan's department." Cam said quietly. The very sound of her name brought up a moment of silence among the group. No one wanted to believe the worst and nor could they bring themselves to hope for the best. The smell of coffee and stale air seemed to be the preferred focus, clearing their mind of the terror they were quelling with.

The beep made them all jump.

Hodgins turned to his monitor. His brow furrowed, and he leaned in. The grainy substance on the bone was common tree sap. " Christmas Trees." He said allowed.

" What?" Angela said looking over at him.

" The grainy substance on the bone was boiled on tree sap from a Douglas Fir." He responded looking around at his friends.

" If we can find the right tree lot we may have a chance." Cam pointed out taking off her latex gloves.

"There is one a few blocks from here," Booth spoke for the first time in almost an hour. " Bones and I took Parker there to get a tree for my place."

"There must be a dozen tree lots in this area." Angela pointed out.

" We could spilt up?" Cam threw out there.

" No. It's too dangerous. We can't go in there without back up." Booth said.

" I wish there was something more we could use." Hodgins took another sip of coffee.

" We do not have time to sit here and guess about this. We go in and search the tree lot. How can you just sit her and argue about this when Bones does not have any time left!" He could feel his anger mounting. If they were just going to sit here and theorize then he would go without them, he had to at least try. It was the only way to keep her face from haunting him forever.

" Booth, we all want to find her, but a wild goose chase will just waste time." Angela said her voice light yet firm.

" She is there Angela, mark my words." Booth stood, pulling out his phone and calling for back up. This was all they had, and he had to seize it.


	8. Chapter 8

13

Booth knelled on the snowy ground of the tree lot, his gun in his hands as he waited. Close to the back there was a darkened patch blocked off by a large van he did not remember being there on his prior trip. All around him there were black clad agents with guns drawn. They paused, waiting for their signal. Hodgins sat on his flanks waiting as well, his only defense a bulletproof vest that matched Booth's.

Booth crept along following the fresh shoe prints in the underbrush. He could smell pine needles and sap as he moved with stealth and control. The crying heap of a man he had been at the lab was gone replaced with the army ranger on a mission. Fresh snow fell around him clinging to his hair, blending him into the background.

Voices became clearer as he crept closer. He could hear a man talking, his voice distinctly recognizable. Getting as close as he could he peered around the backside of the black van, his fingers stinging against the cold metal.

Brennan's body lay in a crumpled heap in the snow. He felt his own relief set in, he had found her, and she was alive. His eyes looked skyward as he mouth "thank you". In what seemed to be slow motion he gave the signal. His fingers curled inward beckoning the army behind him to follow as he drew his gun. Taking a step out from behind the van he yelled.

The man clad in a black ski mask turned dropping the shaky knife in his hands. He moved like a cat prancing over to the table on his left, picking up a semi automatic from the makeshift arsenal Booth had not seen.

They stood there in the snow eye to eye, guns drawn. Brennan twitched starting to come around, her body shivering slightly. It was that moment when things became a blur. The black clad man turned to kick her, causing her to writhe in pain. Booth reacted not thinking about the consequences as he lunged at the man tugging his hat off and pulling him down into the white ground.

The man under him seemed to come into focus, as the world seemed to right it's self. Sully lay under Booth's weight his arms above his head, his face red with anger. It threw Booth for a moment, causing him to forget everything for just a moment. There was a steep sense of betrayal as he realized that it had been one of his own.

" Get off of me." Sully growled, his voice unlike Booth had ever heard before.

" What the hell are you doing?" Booth's own voice was as sharp as steel

" You don't get everything, Booth. She was mine first. It was supposed to be me, until you stepped in." Sully spat in Booth's face then knocked his forehead into his left eye. Pain filled Booth's eye socket and he rolled away letting Sully go.

" She was supposed to be with me, in the sun. You took that from me!" Sully was over him now with a gun barrel pointed down right between his eyes.

" I never took anything from you! I told her to go!" Booth shouted wondering where all of his back up had gone. He could hear Hodgins voice but he could not make out the words.

" I will take from you, what you have taken from me. She was my last hope at love." Sully turned moving the gun to point at the woman on the ground. He waved back toward the swat team, who was standing back keeping a distance. It gave Booth enough time to stand and turn toward them. Suddenly with blinding clarity the situation became clear.

Between the SWAT team and them was a large barrel of explosives, rigged to blow the moment the trip wire was moved. They were alone in this, no one to help them now.

" Why are you doing this?" Booth called to him gaining his attention once more.

" To show you what it feels like to loose her." Sully said walking up to him and jabbing the gun to his throat. He could feel the hard plastic of the barrel crushing his jugular. Just one pull on the trigger and he would be gone.

" Why her? Why take her and not me?" Booth gagged as Sully pushed the gun harder into his neck. He could feel the other man's breath on his face as he spoke.

" You may have been the reason, but it was still her choice." He whispered in Booth's ear before releasing him. In a flash he pivoted and pulled the trigger before Booth had a chance to stop him. Brennan's body jumped as the bullet entered her, leaving a growing stain of red in the snow. Booth was there in a heartbeat cradling her body against his, trying to find her wound, his hands becoming covered in her blood.

" Oh god, Please Bones, Hold on. Come on! Hang in there." He cried into her hair rocking her in the snow.

" There is something very poetic about this. You will get to die in each other's arms." Sully said with disdain as he pointed his weapon once more. There was no time for thought as two men pulled their triggers at the same time, bullets crossing paths as they flew through the air. Booth's face cringing in pain as one grazed his shoulder.

" You forget I'm a better shot." He said breathlessly as Sully fell to the ground clutching his neck. He landed face first his blood mixing with theirs. The gentle thud of the lifeless body hitting the soil was the last thing Booth heard before everything went black.


	9. Chapter 10

14

Brennan stared out the window, sunlight shone through the glass, the light seeming brighter as if reflected off the snow. The only sound in the white walled hospital room was the shrill beeps of the monitors. She lay perfectly still in the moderately comfortable bed which someone and propped up for her. Wires restricted her movements as her chest rose and feel in time with her slow breathing.

She just stared out the window in silence her mind blank and numb. '_It's over.' _That was all she could hear in her head. All of it was over. She should feel a sigh of relief or a sense of peace but instead she just felt cold and empty. It was here in this harshly lit room that she could allow herself to feel the real weight of the situation. She did not have to compartmentalize anything or make it seem better somehow. For the first time, in a very long time, Temperance Brennan allowed herself to fall apart. Tears feel in steady streams from her ice colored eyes but she did not sob. She merely stared out the window not really seeing anything beyond the clear pane of glass, just like her mind. It was clear of the horrors she had experienced only hours ago.

There was a creak as the door on the other side of her room opened. She did not turn to meet her visitor, just listened to the heavy sound of his footsteps. Perhaps if she willed it enough they would leave her in piece to grieve her loss.

"Bones?" She turned at the sound of his voice warming her body like honey. His left eye was black and there were round circular bruises on his neck. He kept his injured arm tucked close to his body like an injured wing on a baby bird.

" Bones, are you alright?"

" Go." She whispered looking up into his warm brown eyes.

" It's over now, you're safe." He was at her side now; she could feel the bed sag under his weight as he sat down, careful to avoid her legs. She turned back to the window, her sanctuary of clarity.

" Look at me." He said reaching out, running his fingers along her own bruised complexion. It was then that she allowed the warmth of his presence to wash over her, to make the dull empty ache in her subside slightly. She met his eyes; his red rimmed puffy eyes, swollen with tears he had yet to cry. She had never seen emotion so flamboyantly displayed across his face. He was in pain, just like she was. Both of them sat is silence aching for what they no longer had.

" It hurts." She murmured at last, breaking the moment, pulling the reality into view. He gently scooped her up resting her limp body against his side. She winced as pain coursed through her before she stopped fighting it and relaxed into him, the tears flowing freely as soft sobs wracked her body.

" I know baby, it's alright. I've got you, I'm here now." He rocked her back and forth his own tears slipping into her tangled hair. They just sat there huddled together, each silently wallowing in their misery. They knew they were not over the mountain yet, hell, they had not even scaled the hill, but for the moment they came together seeking the support that only they could give each other.

Neither had any idea how long they sat there holding each other till the tears ran dry and the sobs extinguished. The sun had come up bathing them in light, then retired for the day leaving them in the darkness. It was then that Brennan opened her crust-covered eyes as the light from the fluorescents above her made her swollen sinuses throb. Booth was still breathing evenly hanging halfway off the bed. Her body lay cradled against his. He looked so peaceful, seeming restful at a glance.

She made no move to wake him, just lay there nestled in his arms. Silently and quietly she ran her fingers through his tousled hair, not wanting the closeness to end but feeling reality set in. She could feel the walls building themselves back up, the emotions re-adjusting into their compartments. She wanted to spend her last few moments of openness here with him.

Booth stirred beneath her, his arm loosening around her in the process. The peace on his face dissipated; replaced with the swollen mask he had worn before. The world was trying to right it's self once more, leaving to two grieving people in it's wake. Time did not car about them, it only cared about marching on. It paid no mind to the people in the waiting room praying for them, or to the man that had murdered their child. It gave little thought to the cause and effects that these two people would be forced to deal with. It only moved forward allowing them to grieve and cover the wounds they believed would never really heal.

" Where do we go from here?" Booth asked quietly his lips brushing her hair.

" I have no idea. I feel like it is to late." She responded.

" We could always try again."

" You did not even want this one!" She spat her anger at his past behavior surfacing.

" That's not true, Bones. In fact the truth is I wanted more. I wanted us to have a family together. I wanted us to be together. I love you. I love you more than anything else in the world. I'm sorry that I lost my temper in Sweets office. I did not mean any of that, I was just so frustrated, please forgive me." He said, keeping the promise he made to himself.

" I think sometimes things break and you can't fix them." She said softly.

" You can always fix us. We are a pair, two halves of the same whole. We have been, ever since the day we met. Don't shut me out, Bones. You have wanted to keep me at arms length for as long as I can remember. I'm not going to leave you.

" I've given you everything I have. I have loved you from afar and let you have your space. But not now, I can't bear it." He said.

" I don't even know where to begin, Booth." She looked up at him, but he did not see the strong independent woman he had fought next to for the last five year. Instead he saw a scared little girl who was losing her family all over again.

" We will work it out, you just have to let me in." He whispered kissing her hairline.

It was then that he realized they had and audience. Angela stood in the open doorway silently waiting. Booth had no idea how long she had been there, but he was having trouble being embarrassed about being caught in the moment. He did not care who had heard him, it was time they dealt with the issues they had. It was time that he told her the truth. He owed her that.

"Sweetie, let me stay with her for awhile. You need to rest and you need to eat." Angela said walking over to the couple on the bed.

" I'm fine." He said pulling away from Brennan to stand, his whole body protesting and cracking.

" Booth it's been like two days since you have eaten or slept. I have to practically force pain meds down your throat." Angela protested.

" I am fine." He said again, this time in a firmer tone. Angela walked up to him, resting her hand on his shoulder.

" I promise I will stay here until you return. I will not let her out of my sight. Now go, you need a shower and your medicine is overdue."

Booth tried to protest, but he knew she was right. He would be no use here, until he took care of himself. Leaning over Brennan one last time her kissed her lightly. His eyes smiled at her as she opened hers. Then he stood up and nodded at Angela as she ushered him out the door.

"They finished Sully's autopsy." Angela said first, " Guess after he left for the Caribbean he developed severe depression and he was improperly medicated. Cam said it was the level of drugs in his system that made him hallucinate." She waited for Brennan to say something in response.

" Come sit with me." Brennan said ignoring the explanation.

" I heard it was a girl." Angela said sitting along side her best friend.

" Know, Booth said we have to name her." Brennan said looking down at the sheets by her waist.

"I'm so sorry Sweetie,"

"It will be okay. It hurts a lot right now but I will make it." Brennan said as Angela took her hand.

" It will be as long as you have Booth." She said.

" Well yes, but that is not why it will be okay."

" No, that is exactly why it will be okay. You have his love and support. Take this risk Bren, feel things with your heart and not your mind for once. He is a good man and he loves you very much." Angela said looking at her with questioning eyes.

" I am comfortable saying that I love him." Brennan took her friends hand and held on tightly.

" It's nice to finally hear you say that aloud, Sweetie. Welcome to the club." Angela hugged her, keeping her arms around Brennan's shoulders.

" I don't know what that means."

Angela just chuckled. There was a long road to recovery for them, but at as long as they could admit they needed each other to survive then there would be nothing they could not face.

A/N

Thank you for sticking with me through my first story. I appreciate the encouragement and the help along the way. I hope this was enjoyable for you, just as it was for me to write. I feel like there is more in store for our characters, perhaps there should be a sequel.

Love,

Delia.


End file.
